Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
