Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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