wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
