Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
