why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize