On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
