you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
