it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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