brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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