So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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