Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Thank you for not boning my boss.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
