I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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