sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
