your room smells of hookers.
And success
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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