At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize