I hope my margaritas pass through security.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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