She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
