can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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