When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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