Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize