I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It was confusing and full of hummus
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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