but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We have started to decorate penises.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
