Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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