i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
