When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
