My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
