yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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