i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
even my farts smell like vagina
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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