The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
