In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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