oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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