omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
