meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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