I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
