I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
accomplished twins. life is a go
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
