Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize