and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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