I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
