She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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