I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
