K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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