I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
