it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
