But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
