she was so not down for the gang bang
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
