I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
