Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
