Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
