fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
