i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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