there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
