What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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