I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
