wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So much Jack, so little girl.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
