If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
