we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize