Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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