Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He kissed a someone with a penis
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
