I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
When did angry sex become our thing?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
