I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
