Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
