Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
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