Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
