It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
