So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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