Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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