At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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