He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize