Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize