he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
