drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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