I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
