you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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