Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
