Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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