when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
