Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
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