I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
