As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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