Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
