the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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