TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize