Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just high enough for therapy.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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