I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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