I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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