I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Dignity is for republicans.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize