Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
