Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
