i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
