well I can't set my house on fire every night
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
