I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
