He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
