Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
