I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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