Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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