We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
