My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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