Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
