Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
