trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Randomize
