in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize