Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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