living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
